TYPICAL BEER PALOR FOR YANKEE

If you be kind of guy wey like to go drink beer palor and you dey for dis country, you go notice de big difference between naija beer palor and beer palor for yankee. De first big difference na say for hia, dia beer palor dey sell almost any type of alcohol wey you fit think of, from beer to wine to all kinds of kai kai.

And dem dey sell dia beer from special tap. Dem go serve you de beer for draft (dis na regular glass cup) or pitcher (dis na big glass jug wey you fit share if una dey for group). But dem still dey sell beer for bottle.

And den oda differences, na say dem must close around certain time. No mata how many people still wan drink you must close. In fact ee get de way dem go don program dem cash register, de tin go stop to work when closing time reach. And so when dat time don dey reach, like 30 mins to de time, de bar tender go begin shout 'last call'. Dat one mean say if you still wan buy drinks, make you hurry buy before dem close.

SPECIAL EDUCATION (special ed.)

Ok..., for una wey get pikin for dis country, make una shine una eye read dis post well well! And for de rest of una, make una learn sometin new from dis post. Dis post na about one group of students for primary and sekondari skools. Dem dey call dis ones special education students (or special eds).

Dis students really dey special. Dem get dem own program for any skool wey dem dey. Dia own teachers dey different. And most skools get dem own special class. And when dem wan write wetin dey like WAEC for hia, dem own quesions dey different.

I remember one of my first work for yankee, I been teach small for one sekondari skool for my area. I notice say ee get dis students wey de skool tell me to give special attention. If I give classwork, I need to give dem less quesions and extra time to finish. I get to read de quesions to dem sometimes. And if dem special condition dey very serious, den dem get specialist wey go teach dem.

MY CASINO EXPERIENCE FOR LAFAYETTE, LOUISIANA

Last weekend I been go one casino wey dey near my town. Dem dey call am THE BOAT, wey dey for Lafayette for Louisiana. No be my first time to go dia. But ee don tey small since I been go. Casino na place wey I feel say I dey go troway my money..., lol. I neva go dia before den win money. Me and gambling no be friend at all. I feel say why people no dey too win for casino na because for dia beer na free oo! I dey tell you. Drink as you like and spend excess. Lol!

Anyway sha, dis time when I go, I been win small money. But na afta I don play for long time. Me I no dey go near dos black-jack tables. Na for de big fish dem. Na de slot machines I dey anchor, plenti types dey to play with small money. And whenever I go casino, I dey stay till de next day, den begin come back house around 4 o'clock for morning. 

TONARDO NEARLY CARRY ME GO

When pessin dey see as nature dey scatter some places with hurricane, tornado or tsunami, you no go tink say de tin fit reach ya side. I dey always imagine wetin ee be like to experience any of dis tins. But yet, I go dey pray make ee no ever happen for where I dey.

All dat one change for me last week sunday! Ee get dis tornado wey reach awa side. De kind fia wey catch my body dat night no be small. Na so my body dey shake like leaf. Sleep fly comot for my eye. Na so I dey look for window, den watch tv to hear weather update and den comot outside to see wetin dey happen.

SEE AS AIRPORT DEY EVERYWHERE

Now wey all man don dey buy private jet for naija, I feel say now na de time for us to build at least one airport for the thirty six states wey we get. So dat all dis people wey we no know how dem make dis dem money fit dey land for any state wey dem dey go. But seriously, I also feel say dis one go make ordinary people waka around naija to dey more easy and fast. People no go too dey rely for moto to travel around.

Just like for yankee, every state get at least two or three international airport. You fit dey for ya state and fly out to any part of de world wey you wan go. And den dem get uncountable small small airports wey dey helep serve local travel. Towns we get population like fifty or sisty thousand get dem own airport. And de tin dey work well. If you wan travel go any big city, wetin you need na to join connecting flight from de airport for de small towns.

DUMPSTER

De way wey govment for hia dey keep de towns clean, go make pessin appreciate say govment dey really do dem work. For every town, no mata how small wey dat town be, dem get sanitation department wey dey make sure say dutty no dey pile up for any area for de town. Dem work na to go round to collect dutty from every house and office and den go troway am for one central dump ground.

For de apartment wey  dey live, we get dis big dustbin wey dem dey call dumpster. And den every thursday, de sanitation office for the county wey I dey live, go use dia lorry to come offload de dumpster. Every single thursday, dem must come. No delay or any excuse. And na so dem go go from house to house to go collect people dutty.

If you dey live for wetin dem dey call house for hia, dem go give you special govment dustbin for you to put all ya dutty. And when dem come with dia lorry, you must put ya dustbin for near de road for dem to see. And you no need to worry, beacause say dem must come to offload ya dustbin every week.

MAKE WE CHEW TOBACCO

For naija, people dey smoke tobacco or put am for dem nose. Dat na wetin I see and na de only two ways wey I know say you fit put tobacco for ya body. But when I come yankee, I come discover say ee get anoda way wey you fit put tobacco for ya body. You fit put am for ya mouth and come begin suck am like sweet.

When I discover dis one, ee really shock me. And de way wey I take find out really turn my belle. I dey for library one day, and I notice say one guy wey sidon opposite me been dey pour spit inside pure wata bottle. I also come notice as him mouth swell up for one side. Na dia wey him put de tobacco. De guy no even try to hide de bottle wey don by dis time almost reach half with him brown spit.

Any time I raise my head and my eye jam de bottle, ee just dey like say I wan vomit. Na so de tin go dey draw like okro. Den I later come ask my study partner wetin dat guy dey spit inside dat bottle. Him come begin explain to me say na tobacco wey de guy dey spit inside de bottle.

De tobacco dey dey for one iron container wey resemble shoe polish container. You go put de tobacco for de corner of ya mouth or under ya teeth. Den you go come begin suck am small small. Some dey swallow de tobacco or spit am out. If you finish to suck out de juice from de tobacco for ya mouth, you go spit am and den put de next one for de same place or for anoda corner of ya mouth.

Dis kind way to use tobacco dey very popular with onyibo people wey dem dey call country folks or rednecks. Na mostly de men dem wey dey suck tobacco, but some women dey use am too. You go sabi pessin wey dey suck tobacco from de way wey him go dey spit constantly. And de spit dey always dey green or dark brown. And if you look dem teeth, na so ee dey get multicolor.

If you go any gas station, you go see de tobacco for containers wey dey exactly like de original snuff container. I been no know say na wetin ee be until I see as dat guy for library bring out de container from him pocket.

And I hia say to use tobacco like dat be one of de main cause of mouth cancer and throat cancer. And I sure say de taste go dey very bad. But as dem dey talk am, everybody get im own poison wey im like. And I sure say I don tell una my own poison before. Well if you no know or you don forget, my own na beer.

NIGERIAN NEWS, NIGERIAN NEWSPAPER, OSHIOMHOLE,  OBASANJO, BUHARI, AMAECHI, TINUBU, GEJ, KESHI, SUPER EAGLES, CHELSEA, WIZKID, DAVIDO, WIZKID, DAVIDO, LINDA IKEJI, DON JAZZY,

JAY Z, OBAMA, JUSTIN BIEBER, DRAKE, CHRIS BROWN

HILLBILLIES and REDNECKS

If you tink say for yankee, dem no get dem own village people, den you need to tink am again. For hia, dem get two special group of people wey dem dey call hillbillies and rednecks. Dis na de onyibo village people for yankee. Most people dey see dem like dos wey no get too much sense or as people wey no allow modern life to come dem community.

Hillbillies dey live for eastern part of yankee, from around Mississippi to New York. Dem dey call dis area Appalachia. De area get plenty mountains and dis na how dem get de attachement 'hill'  for dem name hillbilly. Hillbillies dey mostly live on top or around dis mountains.

Dem dey depend on de area for everytin. Dem dey hunt, fish and use de wood around de area to build house. Dem no wan get anytin to do with modern life. And dia community na for only dem dem. No outsider dey welcome to come stay for de area. And so de popular suspicion na say dem dey marry dem own blood.