PIN MONEY FOR YA DRESS

I remember one day wey I see one of my fellow worker pin money for her dress. I come ask her why she do am, den she tell me say na her baiday. "Ok, na ya baiday, but why you come pin money for ya dress?" Den she come tell me say na money wey people give her for office wey she pin for her dress.

I don notice say for work place, if na ya baiday people go give you money so dat you go pin am for ya dress. Dis one go make any oda pessin wey see am to know say na ya baiday and dem go donate for you too. I don see as some people go pin money until ee go reach dia knee.

De main reason for dis pining money tin na for dos wey no get time to buy gift or card for you to still do sometin to show say dem dey wish you happy baiday. One of my female coworker ask me to donate money for her baiday one time like dat. And for you to donate, you get to pin de money by ya sef.

You need to see me as I dey struggle with de pin and also dey try to make sure say I no "inappropriately" touch her blom-blom. I no lie you, de tin big sha and my eye take style dey look anoda tin as I dey pin my $5 for her dress. For hia sexual harassment na very easy tin for pessin to put for ya head. So most guys wey no get liver go just give de woman de money to pin by her sef. But as most tins for hia get double standard, de women no dey feel any shame when dem dey pin de money for men shirt (aftarall no be wetin we like?).


NIGERIAN NEWS, NIGERIAN NEWSPAPER, OSHIOMHOLE,  OBASANJO, BUHARI, AMAECHI, TINUBU, GEJ, KESHI, SUPER EAGLES, CHELSEA, WIZKID, DAVIDO, LINDA IKEJI, DON JAZZY,
JAY Z, OBAMA, JUSTIN BIEBER, DRAKE, CHRIS BROWN

YANKEE AND NUMBERS

If you don stay for dis yankee for some time, you go sabi say plenty part of dem life connect well well with numbers. Dem go describe most tins like pessin weight or how long ya travel go be or wetin weather be outside with numbers.

For hia, pessin weight na very serious mata, especially for women dem. Na so everybody dey check dem weight, so dat dem fit know weda dem don gain or lose weight. And dem dey measure am for pounds (we ma dey use kilograms). When some women just gain sometin like 5 pounds, ee go be like say world don end for dem. Na so dem go dey try everytin to lose de weight. And de sharp business men don sabi dis one. Na so dem go dey full TV with different advert of how to lose weight.

ADOPTION- how to turn anoda pessin pikin to ya own

I wan make you imagine de kind tins wey been dey go on for my mind when one of my co-workers introduce him pikin to me. My co-worker na white woman, and her pikin na black boy. Initially I been tink say I no hia detin wey she tell me. I been tink say my ear dey deceive me. Ee take me some time to process wetin just happen. Why de tin surprise well well, I no really know!!

Well, may be na sake of say dat time, I still dey new to yankee and I neva too dey familiar with dem culture of adoption. Na later I come find out say de tin dey very common for hia. Some couples fit decide to no born pikin of dem own, and dem go go adopt. Now color no dey too mata when people dey adopt.

Plenty times I don meet family where plus de ones wey dem born, dem go adopt one or two more pikin. And dem go talk about am like say na normal tin. Sometimes when husband and wife don train de pikin wey dem born, and de house don empty, dem go adopt oda small pikin. I remember my professor wey supervise my project..., him show me photo of him pikin dem. Only three out of de eight pikin wey him show me be de ones wey him and him wife born!

BASEMENT

Ee neva too tey wey tornado visit two small towns for Illinois state- Rochelle and Fairdale. No be small tin oo! De tin level the place. All de houses for de two towns disappear, and na so property scatter everywhere. For hia, dem dey like build house with wood and plastic sheets, and when any of de big breeze come, na so ee go knack dia house fall like paper.

But de good tin be say na only one pessin die and some wey get wound for dis tornado. Normally dis kind tornado dey kill plenty people. De tin wey dey save some na say dem house get hole for ground wey dem dey call basement. Once dat strong wind don begin come, na so all man go rush go under ground to go hide. If you no get basement ,you go enter ya bathtub and cover ya sef well well.

PRENUP

"For better or for worse, till death do us part.....,". No oo...., pastor you go slow down with dat ya talk oo! For yankee na for beta for best! Nobody get time for worse oo! If ya money finish, na bye bye until forever! So na im make most men wey don make plenty money no wan take chances with dis gold diggers wey dey everywhere. Dem go make you sign paper wey go stop you to collect half of dem property.

You see for hia,divorce na normal tin oo! You wake up and no like to see ya wife or husband face, you go just divorce am. People no get patience at all when ee come to settle marriage mata. Some go even make excuse just to make sure say dem end de marriage.

MAKE WE HAIL DE ALMIGHTY C.P.S!!!

If you get pikin for dis country, de number one pipo wey you suppose fia well well na CPS. CPS full name na Child Protective Services. Dis na de guys wey go come collect ya pikin for ya hand if dem feel say you no dey take proper care of dem as govment want. I say eh..., dos pipo don rearrange plenty families like as pessin dey shuffle whot. Once dem land ya house, dem no get time to yan with you, dem go use police carry ya pikin comot. And if dem feel say ya case serious, dem go arrest you join.

I don see pipo especially single mama dem wey don lose dem pikin for some kind simple tins like dem pikin dey play den come get wound. CPS go say na "child endangerment". Parents dey fia to correct dem pikin because dem no wan enter any wahala with dos pipo. If you flog ya pikin, give am mark and ya pikin teacher see am for skool, you don buy mrket be dat. And most children understand dis one and dem dey use am threaten dem papa and mama. If you wan correct ya pikin, den dem go remind you of CPS.

CAR MORTGAGE

One of my guys lose him moto today. De company wey him buy de car from come tow de car from him house. Dem talk say him neva pay him car note for dis months wey just pass. Car note na small small payments wey him supposed to dey pay every month until him finish to pay for de moto. And na moto wey him don dey pay for since one year now. Just because say him miss to pay for one month, dem come collect de car! Dis one no good at all na.

Na im make me I no like anytin wey pessin fit buy as mortgage. For ya mind you go tink say na ya property, and you go dey denge dey pose with am. But you don forget say na borrow pose wey you carry so. When you no come pay ya monthly dues, na dat time you go sabi say na rent wey you rent dat tin.

YOU GO SLEEP FOR COUCH DIS NIGHT!!

For some of my old post, I don talk as how de babes for hia dey behave different from naija babes. No be small tin for hia oo! For hia de babes open eye well well, and like I don talk before, de laws hia dey side with dem too much. Dis one don give dem too much freedom to do anyhow when dem like.

My friend tell me wetin happen to am recently wey make me laff well well. Him and him girlfriend been get small quarrel and den de babe tell am to go sleep for couch wey dey for palour. When I hia dis one, laff no gree me breath at all.

LIBRARY FOR EVERY TOWN

Na just recent wey I notice say library na very important tin wey you go see for every town. No mata how small de town be for yankee, you go see police station, post office and city hall and den library. I been dey dis small town wey dem dey call Troup for Texas. Dis na town wey de population no reach one thousand people.

So I decide to enter de library to see wetin dey happen inside. Ee get books as usual, and den I see computer with internet wey get very fast speed. Dis na place wey dey like any village for naija. De whole inside full with books. Everytin dey well arranged and in order.

DIS ONE NA MY EXPERIENCE FOR NIGERIAN EMBASSY OFFICE WEY DEY FOR ATLANTA AS I GO TO COLLECT MY E-PASSPORT!

Last friday I travel go Atlanta to go renew my passport. I go change my passport to de one wey dem dey call e-passport. I don postpone dis trip too may times until I come decide to do am before March finish. And I go tell you say de waka to get my new passport no be small waka.

I start online to find out wetin and wetin I need to carry go de embassy office. My online waka come turn to full time research abi na project. I see plenty sites wey tell me different tins wey I need to carry go de embassy office. From birth certificate, local government identification letter to gurrantor letter wey I go declare all my property.

NA WA OO! SO JESUS NA BLACK MAN?

All my life for naija, na onyibo man wey I know as Jesus Christ. From de photo wey dey hang for awa church to calendar wey you fit buy for market, na onyibo with long hair wey I dey see. Even sef de "jesus film" wey we dey watch for christmas and easter get onyibo Jesus.

Na when I come yankee I come hia for de first time say him fit be black man. Yes oo..., de tin take style surprise me. Na by accident wey I hia dis one. Me and one akata guy been dey talk, him dey ask me about Africa, and him come dey tell me about dem own experience.

DIS KIND OF PUPSI and MUMSI DEM SEF

Sometimes I like to go watch basketball for sekondari skools around my area. Na one of de ways I dey use pass time for hia. When pessin no get anytin to do for friday, I go just go chill for one of dis games. Sports hia na big past time. Every skool get at least one type of sports wey dem dey play.

And home games dey big like mini carnival for dos wey dey live around de skool. Na do everywhere go dey bubble. Dos wey don gradge for de skool go come watch de game. Some people dey travel from long distance just to come watch dem former skool basketball or football games. And crowd dey plenti pass for de football games.

DIFFERENT DIFFERENT WAYS TO EAT POTATO

I remember one time wey one of my friend invite me to im baiday party, and na dia I see one special way wey you fit cook potato. Dem dey call am baked potato. De way dem dey make am na to wash de potato with de skin and just bake am like dat. When ee don, you use knife cut am open to make one long deep hole inside.

And you fit put anytin wey you like inside like cheese, bacon wey dem cut to small pieces, lettuce, cream or wetin dem dey call ranch for hia, ground beef, butter. You need to put dis tins when de potato still dey hot so dat everytin go melt inside and mix well with de potato.

MEXICAN FOOD, MEXICAN STORE and MEXICAN RESTAURANT

I like Mexican food no be small. I fall in love with dis type of food when I been dey skool. With all de fast food wey dey everywhere around de skool, I been dey find am hard to find beta tin to chop. And as I dey find de place wey I fit buy de kind food wey I like, I come jam dis Mexican restaurant wey dem call TACO BUENO.

Afta de first day, na so I begin go dia almost every time. De food just dey sweet me each time I go dia. I begin try all de types of foods wey dem get for dia menu. And I come notice say dem food cheap too.

NAIJA POLICE NA YA FRIEND SOMETIMES

As you begin read dis post, I know say you go dey wonda wetin I mean by say naija police be ya friend. Well..., I go try explain wetin I mean. As pessin wey don jam police for hia one or two times, I go tell una dis one..., if na naija police I been jam for one or two times, I for no suffer de kind tins wey I suffer for yankee police hand.

De very first tin wey you go learn for dis country wen you begin drive na say- de fia of korofo na de beginning of wisdom. Once you just see dem moto, ee go be like say na ghost wey you see. You go grab ya steering, and you go begin drive slow slow. Na so ya heart go begin beat fast fast.

DATE OUTSIDE YA RACE

Dis na topic wey I don postpone tire, but today I don try get enough liver to talk about am. Na de tory of wetin ee be like to date pessin wey come from anoda race, weda na onyibo, chinese or latino, all join.

I no wan begin sound like say me I be casanova, but when ee come for woman mata...., well I go talk say I no dey carry last for dat department. And yes I don date babe from anoda race. And I no go begin use dis my blog to talk say babes from anoda race beta or worse pass babes from my race. Woman na woman. All de good tins and de bad bad tins you go find for ya own race dey for oda people race. Dat one na known fact, I don experience am from both sides.

NEXT WEEK NA SPRING BREAK

Party time don come again for students for hia. Na dis time when young people get all de time to do all dem gbedu wey dem don dey plan tey tey. March na de month wey most skools, from primary to university dey give dem students one full week to go rest.

But most students no dey rest at all. Na party party all of dem dey do. And na for southern yankee wey students dey usually go to party. Dis one na because around dis time, de northern states still cold, and most of de party dey happen outside especially for dem beaches. So places for south like Maimi, Las Vegas, New Orleans and even some parts of Mexico dey full yanfu yanfu with undergrad students. And na dat time hotels and night clubs dey make plenty money.

AMERICAN FOOTBALL, na wetin yankee people dey call dem own football, and come dey call FOOTBALL, SOCCER.

Dis american football tin na one sports wey I don try well well to understand but no still know wetin dem dey do. First of all dem dey call am "football", but na mostly with hand wey dem dey use play am. And almost everytin wey dem dey do for de game resemble wetin rugby players dey do for dia game.

For hia, american football na very big tin. Almost every skool from junior secondari to university get dem own football team. De skools get football programs wey dem dey organize like professional sport programs. Each skool must get standard field. And each team must get dem own supporters club wey dem dey call marching band. Dem go dey play music through out de game.

AMERICAN GREED! no be only naija guys sabi 419, infact dos wey dey do am for hia get PhD for 419

If you still dey tink say na only Naija sabi 419, den you need to tink again! Ee get dis program wey I like to watch wey de name be AMERICAN GREED. De kind of wayo wey dis pipo dey do for hia no get part two. Dia own kind of wayo na 'de more you look de less you see'.

I say eh, dis guys go register dem wayo business, even get headquarters and branches. Everytin go dey legit for de outside, but for inside na proper 419 arrangee!! Most of de wayo biz na for real estate, stock market, pension funds, clinics, oil and gas...., de list no get ending.

AZUKA OGUJIUBA vs DBANJ

I been jam dis aricle online wey dis babe Azuka write about de koko master- Dbanj. De tin take style long and carry plenty yabis against my guy. Ee dey like say de babe and Dbanj be paddy before or dem still be friends? De main tory for de article na say ee be like say Dbanj star don begin fall.

She talk as dem first meet and how she helep him and Don Jazzy become popular. And how Dbanj come begin form levels for dos people wey helep am for him career. Well all dis one no be wetin catch my attention for de write up. Wetin I find very interesting na when she begin talk about de guy 10 year anniversary celebration.