"Are you ok? Do you need any help?". As I hear dis quesions and come turn around to reply de person wey ask me de quesions, him and de woman wey him been stand with just rush enter dem house. Wetin just happen? I stand dia like person wey see ghost. I still dey try to figure out de drama wey just happen.
Na afta I come yankee wey begin like to ride bicycle. Well..., I really no like am like dat. De tin start with de situation wey I been find my sef. When I been dey skool and I seriously need transport to and from my classes, but no get money to buy moto or enough money to enter bus or taxi, I come decide to buy bicycle.
See me wey no even get bicycle for Naija. I no know de last time wey I ride bike for Naija. Awa roads no dey good to ride bicycle. And de way we dey drive moto, I no go advice anybody to begin ride bike.
THANKSGIVING
Yes oo, de day wey de life of all de tolotolo no dey sef don come again! Dem dey call am thanksgiving day. Na de day wey everybody suppose tank God for all de good tins wey Him don for am. Na serious jolly time wey people dey over eat and over drink. And today take style dey more important pass xmas for some people.
And I say tolotolo dey trouble today because na de "official" meat wey everybody dey cook today (chicken and cow and pig get to rest small for at least 24hrs!). But ee get one special tolotolo wey go get "presidential pardon" today. Ee get tradition for white house where de presido go officially pardon one turkey, and nobody go kill am for chop.
And I say tolotolo dey trouble today because na de "official" meat wey everybody dey cook today (chicken and cow and pig get to rest small for at least 24hrs!). But ee get one special tolotolo wey go get "presidential pardon" today. Ee get tradition for white house where de presido go officially pardon one turkey, and nobody go kill am for chop.
TO MY SISTAS FOR YANKEE (follow up)
I been read dis blog post wey @NewDawn write. For de post she been dey discuss how one Naija babe take dump one Naija guy wey her pastor introduce to her. Wetin be her reason? De guy no be wetin she been dey expect am to be. Basically, she mean say de guy no reach her level.
Well..., everybody get dem right to marry OR no marry anybody. Na dem right and I gree with dem for dat one. But wetin no sweet my bele about de whole post na de analysis wey @NewDawn been try to give for why de babe dump my guy.
Well..., everybody get dem right to marry OR no marry anybody. Na dem right and I gree with dem for dat one. But wetin no sweet my bele about de whole post na de analysis wey @NewDawn been try to give for why de babe dump my guy.
WINTER DON COME AGAIN!! part 2
Part 1
When de wata for de pipe don block, de next tin na to break de pipe. And to stay without wata during winter no be wetin anybody wan joke with. So to avoid dis one, you go open ya tap small so da wata go continuously dey flow. Dis one go stop de wata for pipe to form ice block.
For de past three days, de cold for here no get part two. De kind snow wey don fall for some states plenty well well. Place like New York don get snow for dis three days wey dey equal to de kind snow wey dem dey get for de whole winter season. We for Texas dey lucky say snow no dey fall too much.
In fact, snow dey hardly fall for Texas. Anytime wey ee try fall na so people go dey behave like say manna dey fall from heaven. Children go dey play with de snow. Some go build "snow man", odas go mold am like ball dey stone each oda.
When de wata for de pipe don block, de next tin na to break de pipe. And to stay without wata during winter no be wetin anybody wan joke with. So to avoid dis one, you go open ya tap small so da wata go continuously dey flow. Dis one go stop de wata for pipe to form ice block.
For de past three days, de cold for here no get part two. De kind snow wey don fall for some states plenty well well. Place like New York don get snow for dis three days wey dey equal to de kind snow wey dem dey get for de whole winter season. We for Texas dey lucky say snow no dey fall too much.
In fact, snow dey hardly fall for Texas. Anytime wey ee try fall na so people go dey behave like say manna dey fall from heaven. Children go dey play with de snow. Some go build "snow man", odas go mold am like ball dey stone each oda.
MARCHING BAND
Me I been attend navy nursery, navy primary and navy secondary skool. Wetin remain na to attend for "navy university", lol. But na for Uniport I for finish. Dat one no mean say I no try to go Nigerian Defence Academy. I try to buy de for but my mama no wan take ear hia any tin wey get to do with her pikin and souja work. Na so dat dream take end like dat.
I still remember all dos early morning assembly and marching wey we been dey do primary and secondary skool. Afta all de anouncement and oda gbogbotigbo wey dey take place, de drum boys go begin play and den each class go march go dem class. I remember as guys dey try come early so dat dem go follow for dos wey go play de marching drums. Na one of dos small tins wey dey make me wan reach skool very early. My favorite drum na de small one wey you go hang around ya waste and come play with dos two small sticks.
I still remember all dos early morning assembly and marching wey we been dey do primary and secondary skool. Afta all de anouncement and oda gbogbotigbo wey dey take place, de drum boys go begin play and den each class go march go dem class. I remember as guys dey try come early so dat dem go follow for dos wey go play de marching drums. Na one of dos small tins wey dey make me wan reach skool very early. My favorite drum na de small one wey you go hang around ya waste and come play with dos two small sticks.
MOONSHINE, OYIBO PEOPLE KAIKAI
Me and drinks sef, we dey like five and six. Na beer be my drink. Any day any time, na beer I prefer. Sometimes I go drink wine or hot drink. I no too like dis ones. Wine or hot drink dey shack me quick quick. All my friends know say anytime I wan drink, na beer be my choice of "poison".
Guilder be my friend for Naija. "The ultimate" and me dey like five and six. If guilder no dey den I fit go for Star. But as Guilder or Star no dey for yankee and person get to drink beer, I dey "manage" de brands wey dem get here. Most of de beer here dey like wata to me, lol. De tin no dey enter my body like my Guilder. Infact I dey drink am like say na wata I dey drink.
Guilder be my friend for Naija. "The ultimate" and me dey like five and six. If guilder no dey den I fit go for Star. But as Guilder or Star no dey for yankee and person get to drink beer, I dey "manage" de brands wey dem get here. Most of de beer here dey like wata to me, lol. De tin no dey enter my body like my Guilder. Infact I dey drink am like say na wata I dey drink.
WINTER DON COME AGAIN!! part 1
Dat time of de year when I hate well well don come again oo! Yes, winter season don begin for Texas wey I dey live. Temprature don begin fall to around 33 degrees Farenheit (1.7 degrees Celcius). I remember de initial time when I come yankee, de cold for winter almost freeze me one day. I wear de wrong jacket to go skool. Na so I begin shake like leaf. My fingers come strong kakaraka like stone and na so my ear almost break comot. De more I dey breath, de more I dey feel like say I dey inside freezer.
People been dey tell me say make I no worry, say I go dey used to am. I don dey here for almost seven years, and I go tell you say I neva still dey used to winter. To me, ee dey like say every year de cold dey increase. Me and cold no get any business. Even when I been dey Naija, I been no like harmattan at all. I remember when I been visit Abuja for harmattan, na so I dey wear two sweater any time I wan comot for house.
People been dey tell me say make I no worry, say I go dey used to am. I don dey here for almost seven years, and I go tell you say I neva still dey used to winter. To me, ee dey like say every year de cold dey increase. Me and cold no get any business. Even when I been dey Naija, I been no like harmattan at all. I remember when I been visit Abuja for harmattan, na so I dey wear two sweater any time I wan comot for house.
HOUSE HELP
"Cleaning help wanted, must be able to work independently", "nanny wanted urgently". Dis na some of de adverts you go dey see for newspaper or for websites like craigslist. For here, if you need house help, you no go just carry person pikin as we dey do for Naija den come make am to do all ya housework.
You must specify de kind work wey you wan make de person to do. If na to clean ya house, look afta ya small pikin, or to clean ya compound, you go find person to do dat work for you. And everytin for hia boil down to one tin-money. Dis one go depend how many hours or days de person go do de work for you.
You must specify de kind work wey you wan make de person to do. If na to clean ya house, look afta ya small pikin, or to clean ya compound, you go find person to do dat work for you. And everytin for hia boil down to one tin-money. Dis one go depend how many hours or days de person go do de work for you.
SURPRISE SURPRISE!!
**Abeg oo, make any person wey read dis post no tink say I dey look down on any group of people. Na just experience wey happen to me wey I no expect!
All my life, at least when I mature and come begin decide who go barber my hair, I dey always dey careful about who I allow to touch my hair. Once I enter any babershop and dem no cut am de way I like, na bye bye to dat barber shop.
And den when I come yankee, na de same tin. I dey always dey careful with my hair. Infact ee take me like 3 months before I cut my hair for de first time. I dey busy dey find where to cut my hair. As person from Africa, no be any barber shop wey you see wey you go just enter to cut ya hair. I go explain why ee be like dat.
All my life, at least when I mature and come begin decide who go barber my hair, I dey always dey careful about who I allow to touch my hair. Once I enter any babershop and dem no cut am de way I like, na bye bye to dat barber shop.
And den when I come yankee, na de same tin. I dey always dey careful with my hair. Infact ee take me like 3 months before I cut my hair for de first time. I dey busy dey find where to cut my hair. As person from Africa, no be any barber shop wey you see wey you go just enter to cut ya hair. I go explain why ee be like dat.
TINS WEY GO SURPRISE YOU WHEN YOU ENTER YANKEE
For today post, I wan try to list out some of de tins wey you go notice for yankee wey dey different from wetin you dey used to. And when some of dem go take you some time before you adjust to am. Make you check dem out!
- When you sneeze, anybody wey dey around you suppose tell you "Bless You". Dat one confuse me de first time wey ee happen to me. For Naija when you sneeze, you wey sneeze suppose say "excuse me".
- When you wan write date, you suppose write month first den day and den de year. For example if you wan write de date for today, you go write- 10/19/2014. For Naija ee suppose be 19/10/2014.
ANODA HALLOWEEN DEY COME!
De time don reach again wey people go dey dress like ghosts and zombie dey waka everywhere. Dis year, ee go happen for October 31. And for most supermarkets, dem don dey prepare. Na so you go see "halloween" sections where you go fit buy all de tins wey you need to celebrate dat day.
As person wey enter yankee new, de halloween tin no comot road for me. And when I tell people around me say we no dey celebrate halloween, na so dem go dey surprise (Yes oo, yankee people dey always surprise when dem see foreigner wey no dey celebrate any of dem holidays. Dem dey always tink say de whole world dey do every tin wey dem dey do for here, lol).
As person wey enter yankee new, de halloween tin no comot road for me. And when I tell people around me say we no dey celebrate halloween, na so dem go dey surprise (Yes oo, yankee people dey always surprise when dem see foreigner wey no dey celebrate any of dem holidays. Dem dey always tink say de whole world dey do every tin wey dem dey do for here, lol).
B na for BITCH
"Bitch! If you no comot for my face, I go bitch slap you!". "Shut up ya mouth, bitch ass nigga!". "No mata wetin you do, you go always be my bitch". Dis na some of de yan wey one guy and him babe just dey go back and forth for de parking lot for one walmart store.
Wetin start dem quarrel, me I no sabi. But wetin I know be say dem use de word bitch like 200 times (na wetin my mind tell me, lol). If you see as dem just dey call dem sef bitch, you go tink say na both of dem name. Na wa for dis word oo!
Wetin start dem quarrel, me I no sabi. But wetin I know be say dem use de word bitch like 200 times (na wetin my mind tell me, lol). If you see as dem just dey call dem sef bitch, you go tink say na both of dem name. Na wa for dis word oo!
HOUSE WEY YOU FIT DRIVE
Yes oo! I been enter for one of dos kind house for summer! Me and my babe plan dis trip from Texas to Indiana. So we decide to rent dis house-RV (recreational vehicle be wetin dem dey call am for here).
De one wey we rent get everytin inside. Ee get bed to sleep. Ee even get small kitchen wey you fit cook, and bathroom and toilet dey inside. Na small one bedroom flat wey ee dey like inside. De money wey I spend to hire dis tin no loss at all.
De day we start de journey, I put enough clean wata for de tank wey go supply wata for de kitchen sink and toilet. And den I check de tank wey go collect toilet, bathroom and kitchen sink dirty wata. Dis one na wetin you suppose do before you start ya waka.
De one wey we rent get everytin inside. Ee get bed to sleep. Ee even get small kitchen wey you fit cook, and bathroom and toilet dey inside. Na small one bedroom flat wey ee dey like inside. De money wey I spend to hire dis tin no loss at all.
De day we start de journey, I put enough clean wata for de tank wey go supply wata for de kitchen sink and toilet. And den I check de tank wey go collect toilet, bathroom and kitchen sink dirty wata. Dis one na wetin you suppose do before you start ya waka.
DO AM YA SEF
For here, to do any kind repair for ya house no be small money. No mata how small de work wey you need to do dey, dem go charge you plenty money.
So dis one don make plenty people to decide to dey fix anytin wey spoil for dem house by dem sef. Wetin most people dey do na to go online go watch videos of how to repair dat tin or dem go buy do am ya sef books.
Some people dey repair dem own moto, repair any furniture wey break, change de roof for dem house. And if you get de liver you fit fix any electrical work for ya house. And why most of dis tins dey possible na because say dem get plenty stores wey you fit buy any kind tools wey you need. Dem dey call am hardware store.
So dis one don make plenty people to decide to dey fix anytin wey spoil for dem house by dem sef. Wetin most people dey do na to go online go watch videos of how to repair dat tin or dem go buy do am ya sef books.
Some people dey repair dem own moto, repair any furniture wey break, change de roof for dem house. And if you get de liver you fit fix any electrical work for ya house. And why most of dis tins dey possible na because say dem get plenty stores wey you fit buy any kind tools wey you need. Dem dey call am hardware store.
OVERWEIGHT
"I no know as una dey do am for Africa, but here for yankee, make you no eva tell woman say she get body". Dat na wetin one babe tell me. I remember most of my intial yans with babes for yaknee. I dey always notice say we no dey too understand awa sef. Some words wey I go use fit mean totally different tin to dem. Na so I go dey explain my sef or begin use oda words wey I feel say dem go understand, lol.
So after I tell dis babe say I like as she get body, ee nearly cause sunami between me and her. Yes oo! Dat day I learn my biggest lesson of wetin you no suppose ever tell babe for yankee. For here, ee dey almost like blasphemy if you tell any woman about her big size or weight. Dat one na no go area. Some women fit divorce you if dem be ya wife, lol.
So after I tell dis babe say I like as she get body, ee nearly cause sunami between me and her. Yes oo! Dat day I learn my biggest lesson of wetin you no suppose ever tell babe for yankee. For here, ee dey almost like blasphemy if you tell any woman about her big size or weight. Dat one na no go area. Some women fit divorce you if dem be ya wife, lol.
DOWRY or BRIDE PRICE, WHICH ONE?
I just learn sometin new about de way wey dem dey do marriage for here. De tin shock me well well when I find out about dis tin. I no believe am when I been hear am de first time. So I come ask oda people for confirmation.
No, no be de fact say dem traditional marriage na de one wey we dey call white or church wedding. No be de fact say
No, no be de fact say dem traditional marriage na de one wey we dey call white or church wedding. No be de fact say
EE GET AS DIS ONE BE
One of my guys marry yesterday. Him don dey plan for de wedding for sometime now. But de tin be say de marriage get as ee be. Dis one no be de usual marriage wey two people wey love dem sef decide to do.
Dem plan am BUT both of dem know say no be true true marriage dem wan do. My guy wan arrange him “papers”. I know say dis one no be new tin to most people. Ee dey very common among people wey travel come yankee. For here, once you marry citizen, you go get automatic green card.
So dis one dey make guys (and sometimes babes) to go do dis arrangee marriage tin so dat dem no go deport dem. Life dey hard for here if you no get correct papers. You no fit find work, you no fit get drivers license, you no even fit rent house for some places. De tin hard well well.
AMERICAN SKOOLS
I know say de common belief about skools for yankee na say dem dey very expensive. And some tink say ee dey very hard to gain admission. Na true say some skools for yankee dey very expensive. Even to gain admission fit dey very hard.
But de tin wey most of us no know be say dem get oda plenty plenty skools wey dey very cheap. I mean skools wey regular person for Naija fit afford, and skools wey cheap pass some skools for Naija . Why people no know about dis one na because of lack of info.
You need to know wetin you wan study, de semester you wan start skool and de type of student wey you be. You fit start as freshman (dat na if you just finish high skool OR you only get high skool certificate), you fit start as transfer student (dat na if you already dey unviversity, polytechnique OR college of education AND you wan transfer to skool abroad), or you fit start as Graduate student (dat na if you don gradge from any higher institution and wan do PGD, masters or PhD).
MY EXPERIENCE WITH SOME SHOPKEEPERS
Sometimes when I enter some stores, I go notice say one of de storekeepers go waka come meet me, den come ask me “you need helep?”. Me I been tink say dem dey very friendly and sweet with de way dem go always rush come meet me and ask weda I need helep.
Dis tin don happen to me plenty times and I come dey use to am. But for some reason, I notice say no be everybody dem dey offer dis dem special helep. I notice say most times dem no go even look de onyibo people side. De only time dem go speak to onyibo person be when im come to pay, and dem go ask am if im find everytin wey im need.
And sometimes, when I dey some so called “high end” stores, na so I go see one store worker dey try arrange shelf or goods close to where I stand. I go dey notice tins like dat but I no really understand wetin dey actually happen. Den na later ee come clear my eye say na because dem tink say I be ‘poential” THIEF! YES oo, I mean OLE.
TO MY SISTAS FOR YANKEE
My sistas, how una dey? I hope say everytin dey go well for una side? Well we tank God. Abeg ee get one serious mata wey I wan discuss with una. De mata concern bros dem. Dem carry complain come meet me. Dem say dem don begin tire for una, and say most of una no dey easy to approach oo!
I come dey wonda why ee be like dat. Why una dey make bros dem tink dis way naw? Guys say una too dey give dem levels. Most of una no go wan follow dem talk at all. I hope say una neva begin believe dat nonsense wey akata babes take full dem brain? Dat rubbish wey dem dey call “strong independent black woman”!
I know say una no suppose lower una standard. But wetin most of una need to know be say any guy wey fit make to yankee get serious potential to make. Naija guy no dey eva carry last for anytin. Ee go take time for am too make am, but him go make am finally.
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