**Abeg oo, make any person wey read dis post no tink say I dey look down on any group of people. Na just experience wey happen to me wey I no expect!
All my life, at least when I mature and come begin decide who go barber my hair, I dey always dey careful about who I allow to touch my hair. Once I enter any babershop and dem no cut am de way I like, na bye bye to dat barber shop.
And den when I come yankee, na de same tin. I dey always dey careful with my hair. Infact ee take me like 3 months before I cut my hair for de first time. I dey busy dey find where to cut my hair. As person from Africa, no be any barber shop wey you see wey you go just enter to cut ya hair. I go explain why ee be like dat.
TINS WEY GO SURPRISE YOU WHEN YOU ENTER YANKEE
For today post, I wan try to list out some of de tins wey you go notice for yankee wey dey different from wetin you dey used to. And when some of dem go take you some time before you adjust to am. Make you check dem out!
- When you sneeze, anybody wey dey around you suppose tell you "Bless You". Dat one confuse me de first time wey ee happen to me. For Naija when you sneeze, you wey sneeze suppose say "excuse me".
- When you wan write date, you suppose write month first den day and den de year. For example if you wan write de date for today, you go write- 10/19/2014. For Naija ee suppose be 19/10/2014.
ANODA HALLOWEEN DEY COME!
De time don reach again wey people go dey dress like ghosts and zombie dey waka everywhere. Dis year, ee go happen for October 31. And for most supermarkets, dem don dey prepare. Na so you go see "halloween" sections where you go fit buy all de tins wey you need to celebrate dat day.
As person wey enter yankee new, de halloween tin no comot road for me. And when I tell people around me say we no dey celebrate halloween, na so dem go dey surprise (Yes oo, yankee people dey always surprise when dem see foreigner wey no dey celebrate any of dem holidays. Dem dey always tink say de whole world dey do every tin wey dem dey do for here, lol).
As person wey enter yankee new, de halloween tin no comot road for me. And when I tell people around me say we no dey celebrate halloween, na so dem go dey surprise (Yes oo, yankee people dey always surprise when dem see foreigner wey no dey celebrate any of dem holidays. Dem dey always tink say de whole world dey do every tin wey dem dey do for here, lol).
B na for BITCH
"Bitch! If you no comot for my face, I go bitch slap you!". "Shut up ya mouth, bitch ass nigga!". "No mata wetin you do, you go always be my bitch". Dis na some of de yan wey one guy and him babe just dey go back and forth for de parking lot for one walmart store.
Wetin start dem quarrel, me I no sabi. But wetin I know be say dem use de word bitch like 200 times (na wetin my mind tell me, lol). If you see as dem just dey call dem sef bitch, you go tink say na both of dem name. Na wa for dis word oo!
Wetin start dem quarrel, me I no sabi. But wetin I know be say dem use de word bitch like 200 times (na wetin my mind tell me, lol). If you see as dem just dey call dem sef bitch, you go tink say na both of dem name. Na wa for dis word oo!
HOUSE WEY YOU FIT DRIVE
Yes oo! I been enter for one of dos kind house for summer! Me and my babe plan dis trip from Texas to Indiana. So we decide to rent dis house-RV (recreational vehicle be wetin dem dey call am for here).
De one wey we rent get everytin inside. Ee get bed to sleep. Ee even get small kitchen wey you fit cook, and bathroom and toilet dey inside. Na small one bedroom flat wey ee dey like inside. De money wey I spend to hire dis tin no loss at all.
De day we start de journey, I put enough clean wata for de tank wey go supply wata for de kitchen sink and toilet. And den I check de tank wey go collect toilet, bathroom and kitchen sink dirty wata. Dis one na wetin you suppose do before you start ya waka.
De one wey we rent get everytin inside. Ee get bed to sleep. Ee even get small kitchen wey you fit cook, and bathroom and toilet dey inside. Na small one bedroom flat wey ee dey like inside. De money wey I spend to hire dis tin no loss at all.
De day we start de journey, I put enough clean wata for de tank wey go supply wata for de kitchen sink and toilet. And den I check de tank wey go collect toilet, bathroom and kitchen sink dirty wata. Dis one na wetin you suppose do before you start ya waka.
DO AM YA SEF
For here, to do any kind repair for ya house no be small money. No mata how small de work wey you need to do dey, dem go charge you plenty money.
So dis one don make plenty people to decide to dey fix anytin wey spoil for dem house by dem sef. Wetin most people dey do na to go online go watch videos of how to repair dat tin or dem go buy do am ya sef books.
Some people dey repair dem own moto, repair any furniture wey break, change de roof for dem house. And if you get de liver you fit fix any electrical work for ya house. And why most of dis tins dey possible na because say dem get plenty stores wey you fit buy any kind tools wey you need. Dem dey call am hardware store.
So dis one don make plenty people to decide to dey fix anytin wey spoil for dem house by dem sef. Wetin most people dey do na to go online go watch videos of how to repair dat tin or dem go buy do am ya sef books.
Some people dey repair dem own moto, repair any furniture wey break, change de roof for dem house. And if you get de liver you fit fix any electrical work for ya house. And why most of dis tins dey possible na because say dem get plenty stores wey you fit buy any kind tools wey you need. Dem dey call am hardware store.
OVERWEIGHT
"I no know as una dey do am for Africa, but here for yankee, make you no eva tell woman say she get body". Dat na wetin one babe tell me. I remember most of my intial yans with babes for yaknee. I dey always notice say we no dey too understand awa sef. Some words wey I go use fit mean totally different tin to dem. Na so I go dey explain my sef or begin use oda words wey I feel say dem go understand, lol.
So after I tell dis babe say I like as she get body, ee nearly cause sunami between me and her. Yes oo! Dat day I learn my biggest lesson of wetin you no suppose ever tell babe for yankee. For here, ee dey almost like blasphemy if you tell any woman about her big size or weight. Dat one na no go area. Some women fit divorce you if dem be ya wife, lol.
So after I tell dis babe say I like as she get body, ee nearly cause sunami between me and her. Yes oo! Dat day I learn my biggest lesson of wetin you no suppose ever tell babe for yankee. For here, ee dey almost like blasphemy if you tell any woman about her big size or weight. Dat one na no go area. Some women fit divorce you if dem be ya wife, lol.
DOWRY or BRIDE PRICE, WHICH ONE?
I just learn sometin new about de way wey dem dey do marriage for here. De tin shock me well well when I find out about dis tin. I no believe am when I been hear am de first time. So I come ask oda people for confirmation.
No, no be de fact say dem traditional marriage na de one wey we dey call white or church wedding. No be de fact say
No, no be de fact say dem traditional marriage na de one wey we dey call white or church wedding. No be de fact say
EE GET AS DIS ONE BE
One of my guys marry yesterday. Him don dey plan for de wedding for sometime now. But de tin be say de marriage get as ee be. Dis one no be de usual marriage wey two people wey love dem sef decide to do.
Dem plan am BUT both of dem know say no be true true marriage dem wan do. My guy wan arrange him “papers”. I know say dis one no be new tin to most people. Ee dey very common among people wey travel come yankee. For here, once you marry citizen, you go get automatic green card.
So dis one dey make guys (and sometimes babes) to go do dis arrangee marriage tin so dat dem no go deport dem. Life dey hard for here if you no get correct papers. You no fit find work, you no fit get drivers license, you no even fit rent house for some places. De tin hard well well.
AMERICAN SKOOLS
I know say de common belief about skools for yankee na say dem dey very expensive. And some tink say ee dey very hard to gain admission. Na true say some skools for yankee dey very expensive. Even to gain admission fit dey very hard.
But de tin wey most of us no know be say dem get oda plenty plenty skools wey dey very cheap. I mean skools wey regular person for Naija fit afford, and skools wey cheap pass some skools for Naija . Why people no know about dis one na because of lack of info.
You need to know wetin you wan study, de semester you wan start skool and de type of student wey you be. You fit start as freshman (dat na if you just finish high skool OR you only get high skool certificate), you fit start as transfer student (dat na if you already dey unviversity, polytechnique OR college of education AND you wan transfer to skool abroad), or you fit start as Graduate student (dat na if you don gradge from any higher institution and wan do PGD, masters or PhD).
MY EXPERIENCE WITH SOME SHOPKEEPERS
Sometimes when I enter some stores, I go notice say one of de storekeepers go waka come meet me, den come ask me “you need helep?”. Me I been tink say dem dey very friendly and sweet with de way dem go always rush come meet me and ask weda I need helep.
Dis tin don happen to me plenty times and I come dey use to am. But for some reason, I notice say no be everybody dem dey offer dis dem special helep. I notice say most times dem no go even look de onyibo people side. De only time dem go speak to onyibo person be when im come to pay, and dem go ask am if im find everytin wey im need.
And sometimes, when I dey some so called “high end” stores, na so I go see one store worker dey try arrange shelf or goods close to where I stand. I go dey notice tins like dat but I no really understand wetin dey actually happen. Den na later ee come clear my eye say na because dem tink say I be ‘poential” THIEF! YES oo, I mean OLE.
TO MY SISTAS FOR YANKEE
My sistas, how una dey? I hope say everytin dey go well for una side? Well we tank God. Abeg ee get one serious mata wey I wan discuss with una. De mata concern bros dem. Dem carry complain come meet me. Dem say dem don begin tire for una, and say most of una no dey easy to approach oo!
I come dey wonda why ee be like dat. Why una dey make bros dem tink dis way naw? Guys say una too dey give dem levels. Most of una no go wan follow dem talk at all. I hope say una neva begin believe dat nonsense wey akata babes take full dem brain? Dat rubbish wey dem dey call “strong independent black woman”!
I know say una no suppose lower una standard. But wetin most of una need to know be say any guy wey fit make to yankee get serious potential to make. Naija guy no dey eva carry last for anytin. Ee go take time for am too make am, but him go make am finally.
I BEEN GO FISHING
Last weekend be my first time to eva go fishing. I been dey idle, so I decide to do sometin to occupy my time. So I decide to “go fishing” with my pals. Dem don dey worry me to join dem. So early Saturday, we come go walmart. I buy my own fishing pole and bait. I buy plastic fish as bait but my friends tell me to buy worms. I get to use worms because ee dey more effective.
All my life for Naija I neva fish before. I don live most of my life for Port Harcourt
So dat fia of wata still dey my mind. But dis last Saturday I decide to face my fear. We use my friend boat.
MY NAIJA ACCENT
“Hmmmm…., dat accent no from around here. You sound like person from foreign country”. Dis na wetin I dey hia almost every day. “Where you from?” go be de next quesion. My usual answer na “Najia”. But with time I come begin tell dem "Carribean". Even if I tell dem France
Den you go come see patronizing, “oh I love ya accent” or “I always like to hia you speak”. I dey always take am as compliment. And I realize say I dey always say tank you. Why I dey say “tank you”, me I no sabi.
But I later come notice say no be everybody like my accent. In fact some no even understand wetin I dey talk sometimes.
YANKEE PEOPLE AND NAIJA FOOD
As she begin eat de rice and stew, na so her face come begin change. Den she come dey smile dey nod her head like say she remember sometin. My friend Cathy, don dey worry me for long to cook my Naija food for her. She say she go like taste my country food.
Me sef don dey dodge her every time she ask. Any time wey she raise de topic, I go tell her say I no get de tins I need to cook for her. Den she come tell me to write de list of wetin I need so dat she go go buy dem for me. I write list give her, de usual tins to cook stew: tomato, pepper, meat, maggi (yes dem get magi for here) e.t.c.
Like play like play, she don go buy de tins wey I write for de list. She call
TRAILER TRASH
If you don dey yankee for long time, you go notice how dem get different areas for every town wey person fit live. Depending on ya money or skin color (yes oo, ya skin color mata) dem get dos wey dey live for main town (inner city), dos wey dey outside de main town (suburb) and dos wey dey live far from de main town (dem call am country, we dey call am village).
For each of dis area dem get dos wey get money, dos wey just dey struggle to survive and dos wey no too get. And de way dem divide de town, all man know where him level reach and na dia you go go find house. Most times, onyibo dey dem own side, akata dey dem own side and de latinos dey dem own side.
But ee get some kind people wey just dey different from every body. Dem no belong to any group and de way dem dey live dem life
HOW YOU FIT BUY ALCOHOL FOR YANKEE
Alcohol na big business for yankee. Everywhere you turn na so you go see where dem dey sell de tin. For tv, na so beer or wine or whiskey advert go block wetin you wan watch. Dem sponsor sports, dem sponsor movies and dem even sponsor some tins wey government dey do.
But de way dem dey show alcohol for tv and sign board and everywhere, no be same way dem dey let people buy de tin. For yankee, you no fit just enter de place where dem dey sell beer and just buy am like say you wan buy sweet. Dem get plenty rules of how dem dey sell alcohol.
De first rule na say dem get age wey you suppose reach before you fit buy beer. And dat age na 21 years. You must show
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